Stop Counting Yourself Out
The other day I was invited to a family friend’s house to give me some career guidance. It was most beneficial because it was about really honing in on those “soft” skills. You know the networking, the following up, the persistence…finding creative ways to be noticed and mentored. If you know me personally, I’m on the reserved side until I am comfortable with you, however, if you want me to put on a show, I will PUT ON A SHOW okayyyy! Let me be someone else for a minute lol.
ANYWAYS.
She and her sister said some pretty profound things that had me really evaluating myself and pushing myself to be my greatest advocate. This, of course, came with some challenges. I always want the work to speak for itself and for the opportunity to come to me. If only! But here’s what they said.
Women take themselves out of the running before the game even starts. Let’s remedy this, but first let’s discuss why we do it cause chile, I am historically notorious for it. (Please don’t assume this is only for women.)
First and foremost, women deal with imposter syndrome at significantly higher rates than men do. And don’t add on the extra layer of being a Black woman cause then we really struggle. Papa Pope said it best. That feeling of having to be twice as good, exceptional, and magical is attached to us like a second skin. The doubt creeps in and before we know it, we’ve gaslit ourselves into believing that we’re faking it or are frauds, thus preventing us from taking on or even applying to beneficial opportunities.
The second reason we do this is because of perfectionism. We want everything to be nipped, tucked, p’d and q’d but that often times gets in the way of actually doing the work. We spend so much time in the learning and planning phase that we don’t put that effort into actually doing because we are afraid of that failure.
Speaking of failure…
There is this weird combo feeling of fearing people laughing at you or tearing your dream down. Because let’s face it, we’re going to fail first. Most people don’t succeed on the first try and you only learn and get better by starting and making the mistakes along the way, especially if you’re someone that learns by DOING. Along with that feeling, you can experience a fear of success too. That often entails not wanting to do well, because it’s going to require you to rise to another level of excellence, which means more work and sacrifice. Idk about you, but I feel like I have sacrificed enough lol. But if God calls you to do something, you gotta do it even if you don’t have the blueprint. That faith doesn’t come easy and neither does the discipline and consistency.
Sometimes we count ourselves out because we aren’t in the right environment. Some places don’t allow us to bloom because they want us to stay small. Sometimes we feel guilty for shining because we don’t want to outshine someone else. Some women do this in relationships too and it should never be a crime to do this. Just know that we all have a light and a gift (my favorite verse 1 Peter 4:10) to share and it would be a disservice to let it go to waste, even if it’s just sharing on the small scale.
Another reason is because we are pulled in so many directions. I mean, the economy alone can stop you from pursuing your dreams cause we have dreams and desires, but these eggs chile!!! Some of us desire to be in relationships, to be wives, to be mothers, to live slower paced lives when the world wants us to be gogetters. And that’s fine in its place and time if that’s what you desire, but it’s also fine to have seasons of each. It’s more challenging for us, but we have seen it done, and we can make our own blueprint for the lives that we want!
One thing that I struggle with when thinking about moving to the next level is my personality etc. changing and not wanting to come off as inauthentic or whatever other negative thing that someone could say. We (I) think way too much about how others perceive us and should really be concerned about how we perceive ourselves. You have to be another version of yourself in a new phase of your life. That’s scary and it not only comes with more perceptions of you because you’re standing out, but it also comes with the people and dynamics in your life changing. Who wants that if it’s comfy?
So if there’s one thing that we can do to not count ourselves out, it would be to stand in our truth and talk about the things that make us US. We can also journal about it, share what we’re working on and embody the person that we want to become in our next season. It’s going to be a challenge, but we owe it to younger and future selves to be the best version of us. We can write down our dreams and goals to envision it at all times and let that vision motivate our decisions. Nobody is going to advocate for you the way that you will. We all want to have a full life and deserve to experience it. I will continue to document that for myself while encouraging you to do the same. We’ve got this 💪🏾.
As always, I hope this inspires you to go after what you want and create your best life starting today!
